Rules of Roles

Are they doing more harm than good?

I have been fortunate enough to encounter plenty of opportunities that I was really excited about, meet an assortment of amazing people, and have really magical moments, so far, throughout my life. The less fortunate part of this, is that my immediate reaction so many of the times that these things have found their way into my life is to ask “how should I act?” – as if “like myself” couldn’t possibly be the correct answer. Every time I step into a new situation, I’ll take some time to quietly observe and get a feel for the people and environment I’m working with. I’ll figure out which parts of myself might be a little too loud for the situation, and I’ll tone them down.

As I explained this to my therapist, she assured me that everyone presents a different side depending on the situation they’re in. It’s not that I don’t believe her, it just feels like maybe I’m doing it differently – the wrong way. It can’t possibly be that everyone is presenting such drastically varying versions of themselves that when two people, that typically each get a different side, are in the same room, one feels they must tear themselves into pieces to give each person the version that they expect. Can it?

That’s the real problem with my approach. I’ve kept my life so compartmentalized, showing each person only what I think they could handle and I’ve let myself grow this fear about showing them anything more than I have. Now, anytime I find parts of my life crossing over and intermingling, I feel on the verge of a meltdown. Who am I supposed to be? Whose opinion, whose comfort should I be prioritizing?

Why did it take me so long to realize the answer to that question was my own? I should be prioritizing my opinion, how I feel, how comfortable I am, and you should be doing the same for yourself. Now people may argue that you still need to find times to adhere to the rules of the role you’re filling. But why? If you’re spending 40 hours a week at work, or more, suppressing who you are to adhere to the rules, perhaps it just means that you haven’t found the right role to pursue work in? Why do we keep trying to change ourselves to fit the situation instead of putting ourselves into situations that fit us?

Some days, I find myself holding back on what I write out of fear that someone from real life is going to find it and somehow be offended. I’m done. Let’s make a pinky promise. From here on out, the only role I will fill is being unapologetically me and I will hope, for you, that you do the same. I’m tired of letting the people that can’t handle the best role I can possibly play stand in the way of those that will stand front row and cheer me on. What do you say, are you ready to step into your perfect role?

As I push to remain myself through all situations, it is uncomfortable but liberating. It gets just a little bit easier each time, and I can honestly say with unwavering doubt that someday it will come just as naturally as my tendency to hide does now. That’s the thing about change, you have to believe in it will all of your heart and allow for it to happen.
Much love, until next time.