The Way It Looked To Me – Part One

One of my favorite things is hearing someone describe the way they experienced something. There are times where my attention fixes on something, my focus narrows in, the rest of the world seems to disappear and it’s like an explosion of feeling, appreciation, gratitude. To me, these moments feel like little bursts of magic in an otherwise ordinary situation and I want nothing more than to share it, but the thought of telling the people that are part of them turns my stomach into knots.

So here, for you, is a bit from my collection of experience:

Boisterous

I hate to say that I brought him to the bar as a buffer, but… I brought him to the bar as a buffer. It had been quite a while since I had spent time around my parents socially and I needed an easy out – a distraction. He had reflected on the night lovingly, as did I, but for very different reasons. His attention had been fixed on me as my attention was pulled across the bar, away from him and away from my parents, and given directly to the only voice that commanded it.

Deep, sometimes gravely, but always captivating – when I didn’t want to be obvious and look, I could tell where you were by listening for your voice. I’ve never been good at singling out sounds in a loud room but you, somehow, draw me like a magnet, and inevitably I look up anyways. Was my cover blown? I think I’m safe, no one seems to have noticed. Maybe a little bit longer won’t hurt.

One hand on your beer, the other adjusting your hat as a tuft of hair pokes its way through, I observe as you listen to the guy beside you. Before he’s even done talking, your head tilts back, your hat hand is now at your stomach, your lips part, and laughter erupts. I’ve heard people say laughter fills a room but I never got the privilege of experiencing it before you. At that moment, the only thing in my mind was that I needed to have experiences with you.

Somewhere in me, a part was aching, asking to come out. Ironically, I don’t mean anything sexual here, though I’m not opposed. I am loud and I keep toning myself down to keep people happy. You remind me that my loud has a place when I’m in the right place. I’ll see you soon, I’m sure of it.

Much love, until next time.