Time and time again I trace my unwillingness to share my perspective back to a fear of judgment. No matter how often I’m shown it’s okay, part of me always holds on to this worry that highlighting the parts of people and moments I love the most will somehow scare people away. The thing about fear, though, is that the only way to get rid of it is to lean into it. So here, for you, I’ll let out those moments and take my chance. Prove me wrong, stick around.
Dirty Rap
I’d like to leave this part out just so it sounds a little nicer, but I think it’s relevant here. As I was getting ready for you to pick me up, I was absolutely dreading going out. Don’t take it personally, that just happens to me from time to time. What you can take personally, though, is the absolute feat it was to have me smiling, excited, and happy from the moment my ass hit your passenger’s seat until I was closing my door behind you.
I want to lie and say it was the cute smile you wore as you called me pretty, or maybe the way you kissed me that did me in. Something like that would sound reasonable. I can’t, though. Frankly it was, without a doubt, the very bouncy head bob as you sang along, word for word, to One and One by 2 Live Crew. My expression must have said it all.
I couldn’t seem to shake my face of the goofy smile that kept creeping its way across so I tried to face forward. I couldn’t keep my eyes from drifting to focus in on any movement you made so I just watched and chuckled. It seemed like an easy enough way to disguise my laughter at myself as being towards you.
“Whaaat?” low, gravelly, paired with a knowing smile.
“I didn’t say anything.” Restrained, excited, a face trying on 10 expressions while simultaneously trying to hide them all. I don’t want to admit this but I don’t think there’s a single thing that you could not get me to do, boy. Why are you driving right now? I want you to kiss me.
“You can’t tell me you’ve never heard…”
I find it absolutely endearing that you at any point still feign shock when I admit to not having heard one of the millions of things you’ve exposed me to, but I could listen to you speak in movie lines, quotes, and song lyrics all day – whether I get the reference or not.
It was silly and quirky and maybe not many people would think it was the perfect song, the perfect moment – or maybe they would. It’s all about perspective, I guess, and it looks absolutely wonderful from mine.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 