Ask

For someone that’s terrible at picking up on subtle hints, I certainly love to give subtle hints and cryptic messages. Funnily enough, this is always the example I think of when I hear people say that those around us are just a reflection of ourselves. What we find triggering in them is only so because it exists in us. I can’t stand not knowing what is going on, and I don’t pick up on the clues, but I will try my damnedest to tiptoe around spitting out the truth.

I keep pausing to ask myself if having this awareness means I’m going to do something about it. Oftentimes, finding out what is going on in a situation is as easy as asking a question. I’m inclined to say that I haven’t started doing something about it yet because it is one of the areas where I still have ample lingering fear. Voicing what I want. Maybe it’s because I believe that there truly is power in the words we speak, the words we write. I try to choose mine carefully. Quite honestly, it’s why I prefer writing over speaking. It gives extra time to think, to make a selection.

The thing is, telling someone what I want or asking for something scares me just as much for the chance that things will work out exactly as I hoped, as it does for the chance that they won’t. It’s almost like I don’t trust that what I’m saying I want is really what I want. What happens if I get it and find myself disappointed? Really, though, we’re always living through a set of previous wants that have come to fruition so the fearful fixation on decision making, on question asking, is quite unnecessary.

What happens when things work out and they’re not what I want is simply that I get an opportunity to start working towards something else. The same can be said of being hit with rejection.

Sometimes, like just now, I don’t realize I’m going to answer my own question until the words are pouring out. I’m so sure I can’t, and even hope I don’t, possibly have the answer. Hanging on to my excuse, my justification for why I keep turning to actions that don’t serve me out of habit even when I know there’s a better way allows me an out. But now you’re a witness, I took away my out. I’m being called out. When you’re doing it to yourself, that’s how you really know it’s time.

Start asking yourself questions the questions you’re afraid to ask. Write them out. Answer them. Write until your thoughts are gone and then see what answers come when you start writing from your heart rather than your head. If you’re hesitant just know that all I’m going to ask you to do after that is imagine. Whatever answer you arrive at, imagine how life would be if you did whatever it is.

I imagine what my life would be like if I leaned into asking, voicing what I want. I would spend less time wondering about things that aren’t even meant for me and I would start discovering more opportunities that are. All of the energy spent worrying and contemplating could be poured into my passions and I could see a surge of progress as a result. I would be taking steps towards overcoming fear and that alone would give me a sense of accomplishment and pride well worth the discomfort that would come from the vulnerability of voicing my wants.

I find that connection and excitement come from allowing my mind to explore the possibilities. When I know I can overcome hurdles, I tend to naturally be drawn to what positive outcomes there will be. I start turning my attention to fantasies of how great it would be, how freeing it would feel to be passed that source of conflict in my life. As with anything building, there is a moment where the excitement surrounding this idea peaks and it’s time to act. It’s the only way I know to find courage. How do you find your courage to act?

Much love, until next time.