I’ve gone back and forth for years trying to decide if a first experience needs to come with a warning. I used to put warning labels on everything – “You know I’m a big girl, right?”, before a first date made possible by the world of online dating. Now I just warn people that I’m “a lot” with a lighthearted chuckle, hoping it’s all-encompassing. I have a lot of body, a lot of emotion, a lot of personality and you will NEVER be bored because there is more than enough.
I do the same for the experience. Any warning given that this is my first time will be just as vague and cryptic as the poems I write. Getting the truth out there without wearing it across my face. “This should be interesting.” If it’s questioned, I’ll only be able to say “you’ll see”. There’s a more careful observation that comes with someone’s first anything and I’m hoping to avoid that.
Ride
I’m not quite sure if my trembling hand is the result of nerves, excitement, or the fact that this room is just a little bit too cold to be this naked in. The awareness only lasts a moment though before Isaac’s lips are pressed against mine and his body hovers close, radiating warmth against me.
When words elude me, I resort to a breathy smile to convey the want that’s building and he pulls me to my feet. A wide, strong hand brushes across my chest, up my neck, and pulls me in to be devoured. I am sure that any shaking, now, is strictly out of desperation. As fingers trail back down my body, following the same path they had climbed, I seem to get stuck on an in-breath and lean into Isaac to regain my balance just as his fingers find me.
My gaze finds the mirror that’s propped against the wall behind Isaac and as his fingers explore every dripping detail nestled between my thighs, my eyes pour over every sculpted detail of his back and ass. When my breathy smiles turn to longing gasps and my knees threaten to give out beneath me each time they shake, Isaac pulls back and kisses me with a smile before spreading himself across the bed. “Get on top of me.”
On top? I mean I know this is a standard position and this shouldn’t be my reaction but, on top? Are you sure? Do you know I have never? Ugh, 21, and I have never. You know what I’m never doing? Telling you that, that’s for damn sure. I didn’t think it was possible by my case of the shakes are at least ten times more intense and with a giggle, I climb on top.
“Grab me and put me inside of you.” Isaac is where I learned that everything has a time and a place, even being told what to do. With as much confidence I can muster, I wrap my fingers around him, hold him steady and lower myself onto him, awkwardly, only to find that my nerves have turned my ocean into a desert.
Worry spread across Isaac’s face as he asked if I was okay. At the same time, worry spread across my face as he slowly went soft in my hand. Oh fuck, I did it wrong. I knew I would. I definitely should have told him, now it’s weird. “Come here”, this time more of a request than a command. His lips crushed into mine as I did, followed by a gentle “what happened, are you okay?”. Still kissing me. Okay, yes, definitely okay.
I didn’t know that the catastrophe of a first anything could be handled with such love. So, I confessed, “I hadn’t done that before and got nervous”. My gaze fixed on his lips in hopes of avoiding whatever message would flash across his eyes. I’m so glad too because it would have been an absolute travesty to miss the smile that followed my statement. And then kiss.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 