There were a lot of times I found myself not trusting what my body was telling me. Clearly, that churning in my belly, the way my stomach is tying itself in knots speaks more to what’s wrong with me than the situation, right? This approach gave me my introduction to anger. If you stick with anything that is not for you long enough, you’re going to find the anger inside of you.
I’m slowly getting better at distinguishing between the different feelings in my body and what they’re trying to tell me. I’m gradually learning that I can trust myself more than I once thought if I stop assuming that observations are attacks.
Voice of Conscience
Early in life, I found you so cruel.
There was never a day that you wouldn’t pull,
tear at my body and poke at my mind,
terrorizing me with what you’d find inside.
Finally came a day, I was so tired of the noise
that I pulled at my hair and raised my own voice.
“I’m tired of this, I won’t listen anymore.
Talk to me kindly or walk out that door!”
Suddenly, at once, I felt this shift.
Something inside of me finally clicked.
Everything went quiet for a moment or two
before I took the time to really listen to you.
“Take just a moment and let yourself forgive,
all of the bad things that you think you ever did.
Only then is there a chance for you to see
that the one that’s been cruel is you, not me.”
I paused for a moment to consider this thought.
This new perspective that my conscience had brought.
The next time it spoke, I was doing no good.
I was treating someone far worse than I ever should.
“My dear, please take a moment and check on yourself.
This isn’t a judgment, I’m just here to help.
If you keep up this act, you’re sure to cause harm.
Start acting your truth, it works like a charm.”
I kept myself quiet until it was done,
then took the words in without a feeling along.
Strangely enough, the message wasn’t so mean.
It’s quite nice, in fact, from what I can see.
Maybe all this time, it has really been true.
I’ve been mean to myself and just blaming you.
If I listen to this voice while it guides the way,
I keep feeling more like myself every single day.
Madeline May I... 