There were more years than I’d like to admit in which I’d push for vulnerability and openness out of everyone I met, all the while keeping myself safe and closed off. Sometimes it was rooted in thinking that space should only be for others and I need to stop taking it up. Other times I just didn’t want to chance something I liked about myself taking another blow. I didn’t think I could handle it.
I got good at knowing just how much to say to let someone think they knew me, think we’re close. I was always taking more than I gave, the whole time thinking that giving space was sufficient. Before finding any amount of balance, I swung to the other extreme and would word vomit far more than what needed to come out. Now, I take up space any chance I get. I try to address the good and bad alike and I find the opportunities to let out those parts of myself I like and show them off to people I can trust.
Exposure
What is your exposure set at?
How much light will you allow?
Over exposed.
My favorite time of day
to drive
is when the sunset
is trying to blind.
Trust my judgment
to lead the way.
Share too much
on every first date.
Over exposed.
Undercover.
Share enough
that doesn’t matter.
Deep diving question,
talking in cicles
as I find my way.
Move in circles,
a shark
detecting prey.
Over exposed.
There’s darkness
beneath the light.
The corner of the photo,
blown-out white.
The corners of my mind
blacker than night.
Sometimes a flash
is only there to distract,
to over expose,
to cover and mask.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 