I spent a long time saying I didn’t want love when I did. The truth was, I didn’t think I deserved it. I never believed it when someone said they loved me and immediately I’d start kicking into self-sabotage mode. I didn’t know I was going to break this habit when I did. Sure, I made the decision to focus on myself and stop allowing relationships that weren’t for me. That decision didn’t necessarily make it easier to trust just a few months later that the relationship I was falling into wasn’t the same pattern as the ones before. Some things, though, are worth the leap of faith.
I Mean It
I didn’t mean to
fall so in love with you
that I’d pick up a sledgehammer
and start breaking my own walls down.
Come on, baby, smash me.
I’ve never felt so safe
without being alone.
You have a way of making everywhere
feel like I’m home
as long as you’re there.
Can you imagine how empty
my apartment feels
when the weekend is over
and you have to leave.
It’s weird to be in the place
that I call home
without the person
that puts the feeling into the word.
It’s just a shell – my apartment, the word
but never me.
I didn’t know I could
fall in love in a way
where I don’t start giving
myself away.
Even when you leave,
I feel complete.
It’s the part that lets me feel healthy.
Even if I’m loving you this intensely
at least I still know,
I still know how to be alone.
I didn’t mean to
fall in love with the way you laugh,
the shape your mouth takes,
the way you tilt your head back.
I didn’t mean to
but I wouldn’t take it back
for anything.
So now when I wake up in the mornings,
I promise to love you
like I mean to.
Baby, I will always mean to.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 