I think the saddest part of our healing journey can often be seeing that while we felt everyone else was out to get us, we were really inflicting the most harm towards ourselves. I’m still working on forgiving myself for some of the pain I’ve endured as a result of my own hand but owning it makes it easier. I’m so tired of hiding.
Purge
I remember as a kid,
I found my uvula –
throwing up was a game
a skill to show off
in backyards, for me.
Weird.
Judgment didn’t stop me,
only from showing it.
As an adult,
less a game
more control.
Bulimia.
Irony as rage
when my body forces me
to purge.
That’s not control,
giving into that urge.
Growing older,
vomit is unwanted,
unintentional.
Indicator.
What it was meant to be
all of this time.
A message from your body,
a sign
to check in with yourself,
what you’re putting inside.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 