Poetry Series – Perfectly Lost

I love to explore the dark but my preference is for going it solo. My shell often contrasts whatever is happening beneath the surface, for the sake of the audience – we’re striving for balance here.

It’s not a hard rule but generally, the more makeup I have on, the more presentable I look, the more unprepared I feel to face people, let the world see me. The brighter I paint my exterior, the dimmer my light feels inside. Flip that to the days I embrace the black wardrobe, chain belted, clunky boots, fishnets, don’t-talk-to-me stare. Those days, I usually feel the lightest, my best, the readiest to face the world. I don’t need to paint on approachability when my energy brings it in spades.

I haven’t been more presentable than usually but I’ve felt less myself, darker. Maybe it’s because I keep disowning the darkness like that when it’s just as much myself as the light. I call it a personal victory though, that despite the looming darkness I haven’t withdrawn, haven’t pushed people away. I call it a personal victory that no matter how lost I feel, I’m not hiding.

Perfectly Lost

I’ve been lost
in a rut
emotional
mental
my soul, broken
fear took over
reconquer
my stubbornness
finds its place
I resurface
stronger
ready to reclaim
myself
a worthy opponent
worthy, myself
been lost
am
am lost
I haven’t quite found
no, I don’t know
where I’m headed
good direction
I can feel it
leaning in
calling
perfectly lost

Much love, until next time.