Sometimes it’s the simple things that I’m the proudest of. There was a time when I would second guess myself a lot, and talk myself out of things. That doesn’t mean that it never happens now but I don’t feel the urge to pounce without thinking, out of fear that I can’t trust my thoughts. I’m not sure how to find the right words to explain just how powerful a feat that is.
I’ve wanted to push my boyfriend away for days. A former version of myself would have said to hurry up and do it already before I lose the guts and get too attached. The current version of myself knows better and paused to ask what’s wrong, felt comfortable voicing my urge to hide away, and recognizes the fear that’s attacking. The current version of me reminds self of everything we love about him and slowly the glimmer creeps back into my eyes when they’re pointed in his direction.
Far Away
I’ve felt impossibly far away, going
on a week now
I hate being off in the distance, presence
is weak now
Thoughts unable to catch up, struggling
to speak now
Every time I find the words, spontaneously
they sneak away now
I want to find the sunshine, darkening
world’s bleak now
Determined to break out of this shell, penetrating
use your beak now
Some of our parts have been hiding, uncover
on a streak now
The best part of being far away, returning
more love leaks out.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 