I didn’t notice I was slipping until – I’m ready to hang myself – slipped into my mind without warning. I didn’t know I was distant until I stopped recognizing the person sitting next to me. When he reassures me and asks if I know that I can talk to him about anything that’s bothering me, I nod and say I know. Logically, I know this is the person I trust my everything with but logic is quickly slipping out of the equation as disassociation sets in. Logically, I know I’m safe, he’s safe – but past crept in while I was sleeping and scrambled my brain. I didn’t know I was slipping until I couldn’t see where I could grasp, engulfed by the dark.
Now I feel silly asking for help. I keep saying I should have asked sooner and so maybe if I can get into a little bit better of a condition, myself, it will be a more convenient time for me to reach out for support. I know, I see it too – that’s not how it works. But please tell me, if I try it, it will work.
Irving, I’m Losing My Mind
I feel like I’m crashing
swerving
everything falls apart
undeserving
familiar at last
unnerving
grasping for support
preserving
out of energy, time
conserving
save me a spot
reserving
heading out, head out
observing
on the way down
disserving
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 