Nothing will be a greater test of our character than how we choose to respond when we’re in pain. I grew an attachment to the phrase, the day I read John Green’s words “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt”. There is no escaping it, no running. Sometimes we delay it but we only buy ourselves time through methods that destroy those we love, and secretly ourselves.
My immediate reaction to pain, the one I’ve gathered and built up over the years, is the darkest part of me surfacing for a chance to make a grand performance. I want to reflect back the pain I was given and I want people to understand the intensity at which I felt it so I might go a little bit over the top. Now I pause. I don’t want any more pain, especially to those I love, caused by my hands, my words, my actions. I pause and soften. I repeat it over and over and over again under my breath until emotion, maybe even tears, sweep in to carry off the anger “I need you to soften. I need you to soften. I need you to soften. Soften. Soften. Soften.”, then speak. For me, this is the greatest moment of growth I’ve achieved and on some days, every now and then, I’m deeply saddened for the people that don’t get to see it – and even that is growth, finally believing I have something worth seeing.
Growing Pains
Do you feel the pull to fall backward as they try to drag us down?
Do you see the world around us, our progress falling to the ground?
Does it feel like we’ve been in this place before, healing these wounds?
Where to we go when our homes don’t even feel safe?
Struggling to figure out how to navigate this place.
It appears too calm to call it a war zone but the tension in the air is enough to explode.
Are you slipping into habits you thought you let go?
Be gentle on yourself, it runs deeper than you know.
When you feel the pull to fall backward, regress
can you find the courage to step forward, even as a mess?
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 