Poetry Series – Naming Trauma

I’ve been absent with my writing more often than not lately. The truth is I only write, I can only seem to write, when the words flow through me without thought. Some parts of life require a little more thought than others. Where can I find the balance in which both can exist simultaneously? What hides the secret to writing through my growth and not just in review of my growth?

Naming Trauma

I think about my trauma
wonder if I’m too harsh in my blame
maybe fear can’t help but gravitate
to love that presents such enticing contrast
if the darkness rolls in
maybe equally as begrudgingly
pulled out of being all-consuming
forced to fit into the shadows of things
it hurts to be forced to fit
I can’t help but wonder if the trauma
is just darkness trying to escape it
I kicked my brother into a headboard
Coupled with an ongoing explosion of laughter
I’m not violent, just being tickled too hard
Sometimes we’re not aware
as our attempts to free ourselves
release us of burden, trap someone else
I’m sorry to the people I’ve held hostage
while my anger, my fear, held me hostage
I hate the ceiling light being on, lighting the room
Prefer lamps strategically placed
Giving more room to allow the darkness to be acknowledge
But still accepting my desire for light without apology
Maybe it’s not a matter of finding fault
Of pointing blame
No different than casting shadows
Forcing to fit in
Shift our focus to solutions
Removing the need for concrete answers, control
It’s often enough to shatter illusions.
I still think about my trauma
I’ve just let go of my need to name

Much love, until next time.