Guys – I ugly cry over how much I love my boyfriend like, all the time. I’d say it’s embarrassing but I’ve fought so hard to feel safe being this is love. When I acknowledge someone loves me, sometimes it still feels fraudulent because there have been people that said they loved me only to treat me like garbage. But I’m learning, rather unlearning, to expect that anymore. I’m remembering that I’m lovable and that love is pure.
Teething
Thank you for loving me before I’m all better.
And an even bigger thank you for never expecting me to be all better
accepting that I’ll never be all better
far earlier than I’ve accepted it myself
I still don’t know that I’ve accepted it myself
I still feel like something is wrong with me and I need to be better
Sometimes
But sometimes I’m better
And I find it to be one of the most frustrating parts about me
the inconsistency
but then as I write this I look at the baby
think about his teeth
how as they surface, they’re faced with tension
he suffers irritability, mild fevers, sleep regression
how it’s a natural stage in growth, human development
and how
how’s that any different than me?
How when I’m working through something, healing
Sometimes I forget to sleep, don’t eat
I suffer from hot-headedness, major irritability
And it’s not that I lack consistency
But these are just the symptoms of this stage for me
Something is surfacing, cutting through the tension
And I’ve been chewing on this a while
Trying to stomach all of the pain
So thank you for loving me when I’m easy and when I’m messy, all the same.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 