I’m finding myself worn down by seeing just how deeply fighting has been engrained in our culture(s). We say we’re advancing but keep the need to survive alive. Our fear has become the most advanced weapon we/they have and it’s used against ourselves time and time again, by design. Getting to the root of the problem requires digging deeper than we’ve gone before. A new foundation can not be built until the ground has been leveled, cleared of debris.
Competition
They say that YOU should be your only competition
To which I raise you a who the fuck are THEY even?
I don’t need to compete to win, I’ve already beat myself
Down, time and time again, year after year
Defeat and victory have become one and the same
An internal war left perceptions of self warped
Becoming outwardly competitive,
wanting to be the best in anyone’s eyes
But mine, they were always leaking
Watching a world turning bleak and – there’s times I’ve wished I’d die
Until a wave of passion swept in, enough to keep me afloat, alive
Still disoriented, I struggle with direction, still see outsiders as competition
Still seek outside validation, constantly searching in others for my own inspiration
Still warming up, rooms full of people trigger perspiration
You see, I’m already better than myself – better than I was, constantly growing
But my insecurity lies in believing that no one knows it
The people I find by my side, not quite realizing my lowest
My insecurity lies in the desire to show it
But there are no marks on the door frame as remembrance of my small self
Clay sculptures of monsters, rattled, shatter, fallen from shelves
They’re not seen all the time, but in my body, in my memory they dwell
And if you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, you can’t understand my story by my shell
So I keep finding myself gathering an audience as if I’ve got one to tell
Only it draws me back to previous chapters, former versions of self
See, An audience is a set back if you just sit there playing show and tell
You’ll never make it through the play if you’re stuck on act 1, scene 1, take 112
Keep basing current decisions off of past views, judgments
Did you know we look to precedent which validates comparing people as property to disputes regarding current people and their property
We can’t find a higher road, can’t shed faulty beliefs if we count on this shit as foundation to pave the street
And you’ll really grow, if you’re still thinking you must compete.
And no competition is worth my stagnancy
So, I’m done believing in sayings that pit me against me.
Wave my white flag, I’m throwing in the towel
Because I believe knowing when to quit, walk away, is a victory in itself, and it’s one less shallow.
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 