The truth is, I’m too white to feel as much tension in the presence of the police as I often feel. Historically, the police haven’t been enemies to me to the same magnitude that other races have seen. But my jaw still clenches, back straightens, I search for what I’m doing wrong and prepare my defense. They almost never approach.
But when as a child, protection came with policing – never knowing if I was safe or moments from a beating, jumpy in my own home, I’d quiet my feet and sneak. A pattern that’s followed me into adulthood. My first major relationship carried the same need for control and after wanting to leave, my son was born and I started to tip-toe.
Eventually, I stomped out but without shedding the inclination to meet the expectations others set. Now a habit I wish to leave dead in favor of embracing freedom to be instead.
I wonder if as this sheds, if seeing the police won’t go right to my head and fill me with dread. Stay tuned, we’ll see.
Police
Trained to patrol
Upon creation,
meant to protect
When left unchecked
Utilized to control
Everything external
Internal chaos
Grounded, Rooted
in the belief of discipline
Sacral Sacrilege
Focus to narrow
To let creative solutions in
Solar Plexus
Stuck on fight again
Plight of the masculine
A quackery ointment
Laid it on thick
Applied by societal expectation
Rules and roles and rules of roles
Policed and penalized
Misnamed goals
Open heart
To align again
Shedding resistance
Allow abundance to flow in
Throat
Once at each other’s
Now learning to adjust tone
To speak as if alone
Silence when needed
Confidence to not choke
When eyes don’t see clearly
Let them close
Trust in a third
Imagination open
Beyond what the physical knows
Next to be crowned
if you can be trusted to know
there’s power around
not yours to control
when judgment is sound
maybe yours to hold
only after you release
the need to police
remember to ground
Much love, until next time.
Madeline May I... 