“Best Self”

Sometimes it’s the smallest words that carry the most weight – love, hate, no, yes, bye.. best. They’re heavy, tiny, and packed with a punch. Sometimes they come with expectations, opportunities, guidelines, or disappointment, and more often than not that’s a weight we’ve given to the words ourselves rather than the intended weight of the sender.

We seem to take our experiences and weave them into these words until they stir up such complex emotion when we hear them that we feel a need to react. Personally, most of them kick me into fight for flight. No? Flee. Yes? Proceed cautiously. Love? I. Am. All. In. But scared. Hate? Fight back. Best? I’ve been trying, for so long. Somehow, in all of my psychology classes, I missed the freeze component. Fight, flight, or freeze.

There is enough emotional build-up behind the word “best” that it can stop me in my tracks. If it’s something external, I’m stopping to consider the possibility but when it comes to self, I’m buckling under the pressure. How can one possibly know what will make them their best selves? What does that even look like? How will I know when I’m there?

For quite a while, I thought I would find the answers to those questions through other people. I would listen attentively as I was directed one way or another, and then I’d listen obediently. More often than not, the result was that I found out something that didn’t really feel like it was what was best. On to the next suggestion.

It took longer than it needed to but eventually, I realized that approach wasn’t really working for me. Trying to be what everyone else told me would make me better was tiring. I stopped, withdrew, and then turned back around to recover myself and find a new way to be.

Recently, it was pointed out to me that favorite self is also an option to strive for and sometimes it’s the small distinctions like that which make all of the difference. Favorite – a word that carries so much less pressure. Is it an emotion-packed work, sure! It’s full of great emotions though: comfort, happiness, excitement, warmth. Favorite feels good.

I think back on all of the suggestions I was given that I didn’t immediately discard. Sometimes they felt good, right. They were, without a doubt, my favorite suggestions. It’s not always easy for me to let something from the outside in – an overcompensation I find myself with to make up for allowing too much in the past -but I’ve decided to let those favorites stay.

As I remember to move forward embracing my favorite self, I hope to simultaneously start stripping those tiny, impactful words of their power. In the same way that we can’t let situations strip us of who we really are, we can’t allow words to stop us in our tracks and make us doubt ourselves, regardless of how loaded they feel. It’s the same message, written a million different ways – allow yourself to be yourself in every moment of the day. Your favorite self, that is.
Much love, until next time.