Payge Gray

Braking

Picture a train barreling down the track at a conservative 100mph and think of the momentum it has and what it’s going to take to bring that bad boy to a halt. I am the train, just reaching full speed, as my body screams to me that we are going to need to slam onContinue reading “Braking”

Poetry Series – Best Friend

Each time someone that I found myself dating would tell me that they think of me as their best friend, I’d find myself puzzled. I couldn’t quite place what that would feel like which made it clear to me that I wasn’t thinking of them as the same. As this became a pattern, puzzled becameContinue reading “Poetry Series – Best Friend”

Oh, So This is Why People Love Their Uncles.

Family dynamics have always confused me more than I tend to let on. Honestly, there are a lot of basic things that leave me puzzled in similar ways. In moments of dissociation, I leave myself feeling even crazier as I recall all of these things and ask why I’m so caught off guard by simpleContinue reading “Oh, So This is Why People Love Their Uncles.”

Poetry Series – Ex-plosions

I think maybe it was after my last relationship that went south, I confessed to Isaac that I felt silly and embarrassed at this point even acknowledging it when I date someone. What used to be months together before destruction now seems to only be weeks and I’m wondering if it’s me at this point.Continue reading “Poetry Series – Ex-plosions”

Boyfriend – Introductions

I wouldn’t call myself a commitment-phobe but had I let the issue go just a little bit longer without addressing it, that’s likely where I would have ended up – scared. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared but this is the manageable fear I want to lean into rather than debilitating fear shutting meContinue reading “Boyfriend – Introductions”

Poetry Series – Change

Self-awareness doesn’t always come easily. We have eyes that look outward, calling our attention to what is around us rather than within us. With phrases like “seeing is believing”, it makes it harder to trust what we know and observe about ourselves when we are busy seeing everyone but us. In an attempt to solveContinue reading “Poetry Series – Change”

Falling

Growth and learning aren’t linear. There are some basics we have to get down before we move on to the more complex lessons, challenges. This means from time to time it can look like chaos, jumping around from idea to idea, pulling in all of the related concepts. Later, further into your lessons, you’re goingContinue reading “Falling”

The Way it Looked to Me – Pt 12 – Watch

Is it fair to say that people that write are “people watchers” by nature, or is that stereotyping? Okay, fine. People that write well keep their eyes open to the world around them and take it all in. It’s all in the way they focus on the little details and pick up on patterns. Better?Continue reading “The Way it Looked to Me – Pt 12 – Watch”

Poetry Series – Dark Figure

As I start to spiral, I’m never really sure if it was initiated from the outside or within. I’m too busy trying to stop the progression to pinpoint the exact source. Perhaps this seems problematic as if finding the source would let me solve the problem faster. Maybe that’s true but I can’t help butContinue reading “Poetry Series – Dark Figure”

Grow-up

I think it’s safe to say that we all remember thinking that one day we were going to wake up and finally feel like things were in place – like we’ve finally figured out how to do it right. I’ve heard a lot of people mark 30 that age and that’s a hard one forContinue reading “Grow-up”