I spent a lot of my life trying to make myself smaller and smaller, taking up less and less space. Ironically, I was always a pretty heavy girl as if my body was trying to send the message that my attempts to shrink my presence for other people would forever prove futile so I mightContinue reading “Poetry Series – Change the World”
Author Archives: Payge Gray
Poetry Series – Shameful Grief
I keep pulling my shame outAs I unpack my griefAs if acknowledging the tragic lossmeans being ungrateful for what’s in front of meBut I thought you’d be hereand you’re notYou promised you’d be always in the roomcheering me onAnd I’m angry.And I don’t know if it’s at you, or me,And I’m angryBecause I’m still afraidContinue reading “Poetry Series – Shameful Grief”
Poetry Series – Body Keeps Score
On the topic of rape because while a word may not lose meaning through being said, it tends to relinquish it’s power, control, so you can reclaim it for yourself: No is still noand rape is still rapeeven in the confines of a relationshipeven when you call it an inconvenience, rather than its name.Rape isContinue reading “Poetry Series – Body Keeps Score”
Poetry Series – Losing My Mind
The only thing consistent about me tends to be my desire for growth. My fear has grown to adapt, rooting itself not in the fear that I’ll be left but in the fear that I’ll leave. My son told me he has the same fear – of getting attached, because what if I leave? I’veContinue reading “Poetry Series – Losing My Mind”
Poetry Series – Sickness
My disgust with life has returned tenfold and I’m struggling to get anything out even though it’s arguably the time I need to the absolute most. The truth is, I need an outlet where I feel like I can be seen without feeling like I’m being watched. I thought this was it. Then I keptContinue reading “Poetry Series – Sickness”
Poetry Series – Cheeseburger Hoagie
How I know my person is my person: cheeseburger hoagie edition. I remember thanking my high-school best friend for always coming on my questionable, poorly planned adventures with me.They’ve taken us to sleeping on the floor of the greyhound station after walking rashes into both of our thighs, afraid to take the subway.Down a creek,Continue reading “Poetry Series – Cheeseburger Hoagie”
Poetry Series – Barred
I didn’t always have much self respect. I think that’s the reason now that people that had known me back then think I’m arrogant. It’s quite the contrast to grow respect and confidence where you once were a mat. But seeing my worth helps me see all of the situations I still naively agree too,Continue reading “Poetry Series – Barred”
Poetry Series – Inside Jokes
My poems derail themselves often. They almost never end with the meaning that was intended. I’ll stick to my plan until about 6 lines in and then whatever sweeps over my head and my hands – it’s over so I go along with it. I don’t mind because they’re my thoughts. I write how IContinue reading “Poetry Series – Inside Jokes”
Poetry Series – Extend Belief
I get angry when someone else tells me not to write about certain topics because some people might read it and take it wrong. Where is my rage when I’m silencing myself, telling myself not to write about topics because people might not get it, might think I’m crazy? My rage is still there onlyContinue reading “Poetry Series – Extend Belief”
Poetry Series – Idealize
I can’t be held responsible for other people’s opinions and perspectives of my experiences. I remember befriending someone after not liking them. This doesn’t mean that I’m fake – it just means that I can set aside my emotional reactions to situations to see the truth beyond my triggers. It means that even when thereContinue reading “Poetry Series – Idealize”
Madeline May I... 